By Sister Marie Carmen, O.C.D.
How would I describe my vocation? I would say, it is a Divine Romance. Why? Well, let me share with you my story.
How does one come to know their vocation? How did I feel called to religious life? Some are exposed to the beauty of religious life or the priesthood at a young age. Perhaps they’ve been taught by sisters and it was talked about at school or at home, so they have this desire and attraction early in life. Others, like me, maybe didn’t have this exposure or our eyes weren’t opened to the beauty of this kind of life until a bit later.
I didn’t grow up seeing sisters and the idea of a vocation wasn’t talked about in my Catholic school nor in my home. My older brother did enter the seminary when I was in college, but I thought that was “his thing.” It wasn’t until I heard my friends in college say they were discerning a vocation that it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, I should too. But you see, I, like most young women, had a desire for marriage and a family. Actually, it was a HUGE desire. In fact, I even had the number of kids I wanted, and I had their first and middle names already chosen. I just needed to find my husband. So you see, the Lord had A LOT of things stacked against Him. And yet, He had one secret weapon that I didn’t know about – He knew my heart better than I did. Sometimes, a man and a woman fall in love at first sight, but most of the time, the man woos the woman’s heart little by little. This is what happened to me.
Little by little, the Lord revealed to me my desire for religious life. Do you know how He did it? By using the very things that I was using against Him as obstacles – namely, my desire for marriage and motherhood. Not only that, but He was such a gentleman in the way He did it…because He knows what a romantic I am. The first time my eyes were opened to the possibility of this way of life was during Adoration. I heard the words, that came from my own heart, but didn’t know were there: “I want to do this every day for the rest of my life.” I didn’t understand what that meant, but He didn’t push the issue. I kept living life, but that experience was in the back of my mind.
A little bit later, God tried to catch my attention again. A priest was sharing a story about a religious community. I just so happened to walk into the group right before he said that these sisters work in an orphanage and the children call the sisters “Momma.” I think in this moment, God swept me off my feet, for I honestly felt my heart jump and burn within me.
Life went on, but now I had two moments in which I couldn’t forget, just like a woman who is starting to notice and be attracted to the nice, handsome man throwing hints her way. Now, Jesus may be a gentleman, but He’s not one to just sit on the sidelines passively. When a man has fallen in love with a woman, He doesn’t give up so easily. Jesus gave me time for my eyes to be opened to the beauty of Religious Life and He knew that that desire was growing, slowly but steadily, like a piece of cloth that caught on fire by a little spark. And still, as the saying goes, “the 3rd time’s the charm.” Jesus spoke to my heart once again.
Every Tuesday, a group of girls and I volunteered our time at a men’s homeless shelter run by the Missionaries of Charity. On one of these days, a friend and I were talking with one of the sisters and she was sharing about how she came to enter religious life (which I don’t remember asking her). She said that Jesus asks all of us one question: “Do you love Me more…?” And fill in the blank. In that moment, I felt like I had been hit over the head or perhaps a more romantic way of saying it is, in that moment “God took my breath away.” When the sister said those words, I knew the question Jesus was asking me: “Do you love Me more than children?” In other words, Jesus was asking me if I was willing to give up everything – my already-made dreams – to follow Him. When a woman falls in love with a man, she says yes to him and no to every other man; she says yes to life with him and no to any other kind of life. This is a big decision. It is the same with Jesus. And, like some women, I panicked. I was scared of where this love was leading. I realized in that moment that no, I wasn’t ready to give up everything to follow Him. Although, deep down that desire was growing stronger and stronger and I secretly knew it.
Time passed and the Lord gently but surely kept working on my heart. Finally, I got to the point where I began asking God: “What do You want for me? How do You want me to live my life?” My eyes and the door of my heart was opening little by little to His invitation. You see, the Lord is patient. He waits for us, waits for an opening before He steps in. Well, He saw that opening in my heart and took it. On May 1st, 2011, the day St. John Paul II was beautified, I went to the Chapel after the day’s festivities. I knelt before Our Lady and asked the Lord to confirm what I was feeling inside. He didn’t miss His chance. I randomly (although, nothing is random in life, so thank you Holy Spirit) opened the Bible to the Song of Songs and the words jumped from the page and touched my heart. I felt as if this was His proposal to me to be His bride and without hesitation, I told him “Yes!”
It is an absolute gift and joy to be a bride of Christ. But like any marriage, it’s not always easy and it takes a lot of work. The thing that helps me the most, and I recommend it to you whether you are a religious or not, is to live your identity as a beloved. Jesus is the Lover, the Bridegroom of our souls, and we are His beloved! Let yourself “be loved” by Him! If we do this, then we will sing and dance, rejoice in this Divine Romance!
