By Sister Mary Scholastica, O.C.D.
Authenticity. First of all, what is it? The following words or phrases are often synonymously used with authenticity: genuineness, trustworthy, true, real, honesty, owning your own feelings, being true to yourself. Secondly, what does it look and feel like in Carmel? Great question. There are so many layers to this.
It starts at the most foundational level of living in the knowledge of who you are as a beloved child of the Heavenly Father, made in His image and likeness, with your own unique DNA. Only you can love God the way you can. And as we move through the stages of life especially during childhood, many of us have been affected by our environment which has caused us to build layers of protective boundaries around our heart. We hide our true selves because we’re not sure if the people on the outside will like what they see, we’re not sure how they will judge us. You see this a lot in teenagers. I’ve experienced it and you might have as well.
And as we grow and experience the ups and downs of life, we often fortify these layers. It gets harder and harder sometimes to know who we are versus who we think we are versus who we would rather be. As we move into maturity we start to realize that we are only truly at peace when our inside is aligned with our outside. It’s an inner drive, an inner wiring. If the two are not in sync, there is something that always slightly feels “off”. We’re made to be one.
There needs to be a time in life when you look at yourself and realize that you are “ok” with how God made you. Once we arrive in embracing this truth, there is a shift that takes place in how you see yourself and the world around you. When you are at peace with yourself in this way, and when you are at peace with the circumstances that make up your life story, there is an amazing freedom that comes with this. This freedom then propels you to keep your alignment in order…your inside matching your outside. It’s the real deal.
As our development continues and as we grow into deeper maturity, we start to reassess what is important to us. As we experience sickness, suffering, death, struggle with work and we see who we are by how we enter into these moments. This growth in maturity causes a re-shifting to take place. You start to shed the parts of yourself that might have been a part of you for a long time, but are areas that are no longer “true to yourself”.
I think all of life is the constant inner movement towards authenticity. We can’t help it. And even if we ignore it, it’s only getting buried. Every single living person at the end of the day, at the end of their lives, wants to be known and loved as they are.
Carmelites are known for being masters at prayer. All our saints are known for this. What is prayer? It’s a heart speaking to a Heart. It’s our real selves coming before the real God as we are. It’s a cry of our hearts to be known and loved and it’s knowing and loving God in the unique way that we were created to know and love Him. It’s the very definition of authenticity.
In our community, we continue to be on an amazing communal and personal journey in which we are 100% committed to on-going formation, transformation, conversion and growth in who we are as daughters of the Father, sister among sisters, spouse of Christ and spiritual mother to souls.
Striving to be your true self is hard. There are so many exterior factors that come in to play: the desire to be liked, to not ruffle feathers, to not stand out, your own insecurities and fears, breaking down the walls that have been built up, facing parts of yourself that you don’t like, etc. This can be said of all of us. But when you are personally committed to this and living with others who are on their own journey who are also committed, the fruit of what comes from this is indescribable. It’s communion, unity, deeper love. It’s so worth it.
These words capture it for us. Growing. Maturing. Fashioning. Falling. Getting back up. Opening. Struggling. Receiving. Giving. Processing. Striving. It’s our true selves coming to fullness day by day.
