By Sister Mary Scholastica, O.C.D.
I wonder how we would each live if we knew that today was our last day on earth. We sisters have attended many funerals throughout these past months, from those who’ve lived long and full lives, to a child barely beginning life, a young woman who died tragically saving the life of another, and a husband and father lost suddenly to a heartattack. Some knew the hour was coming and some had no idea their hour was so close at hand.
I’ve thought about this for myself many times. How would I live if I knew I was going to die tomorrow? And as often as I ask myself that question, when the circumstances of the day shift into gear, the remembrance of the question of my life and death fades from my mind. I often find myself responding on auto pilot, reacting as I typically and habitually have chosen to do so in the past.
And then you hear of the amazing saints who were on fire for love of God. Saints like St. John of the Cross, St. Joan of Arc, St. Thérèse, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Catherine, St. Clare, St. Scholastica, St. Benedict, St. Francis, St. Bernard, St. Augustine and so many others whose passionate love for God overflowed outwardly. Others were deeply convicted, converted, transformed and inspired to give their whole lives over to God just by being in their company. I’ve often thought of how this passionate overflow of the interior life finds a more tepid, timid expression in me.
We each want so much to grow and change, to be healed and made whole, to be transformed in life, to be unconditional in our love, and to be whole-hearted in our gift of self to God and others. And yet, we can move through each day desiring this, but we are not convicted enough to let God purify the places within us that would make room for Him to fill us more deeply with Himself. That God may increase, and I may decrease.
We tend to think of the saints as heroic, extraordinary, out-there, far away from me, from a different era and a different generation, special soul, set apart. We also tend to think of suffering and trials, self-denial, detachment, being uncomfortable and experiencing deprivation even from little things as something painful, something to shy away from. And yet the combination of it all – the deepest desires of our hearts and the fears that hold us back and restrain us – this truly is the “stuff” that God uses and works with in the journey of daily life. It’s a part of life’s process and allows us to more fully delve into the graces of the present moment.
I wish I could keep in the uppermost part of my mind the perspective of death, so that I may respond to all the situations throughout the day with grace, peace, and courage. I would not hold myself back, knowing that I only have this one day to “be” and “do”. I’ve yet to be successful at it. Living the present moment well means different things for all of us: pausing for 5 minutes to pray, holding back an impatient response, smiling when you feel crabby, being present when you don’t feel like it, stepping out in faith when you want to hold back in fear, engaging with someone who aggravates you, showing kindness to the person who is irritating you, showing your family and friends that you care – all this and more. In living the present moment well, we will die well regardless of when the Lord will take us.
We cannot come to the end of our lives, whenever that will be, filled with regret, wishing we had done more, wishing we hadn’t wasted so much time, wishing that we had gone beyond our comfort zones more often, wishing we had responded differently, wishing, wishing, wishing. We can’t. We might still fall into this way of thinking, but each day gives us another chance.
Be convicted in your soul and fearlessly keep stepping out in faith. Do what you need to do. Be where you need to be. Let go of the things that you need to let go of. Speak when you need to speak. Be silent when you need to be silent. Be grateful for everything you are given. Receive all that God sends to you without complaint Forgive as you have been forgiven by the Lord. Anxieties that weigh on you, give them to the Lord. Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return. The saints were convicted by the grace of God in their very souls, and the same grace is available to us but according to our own unique flavor.
It is very easy for us to get into a routine way of living, even if many elements in our lives might be new, it’s still easy to approach new things with our old patterns. Let us live consciously and intentionally, knowing that we have only one life to live and that tomorrow is not guaranteed. In this manner, if we choose to live our year in this way, this one year which will never come again, we will not only grow in leaps and bounds in our innermost selves, but we will also help each other become saints.
And hope reminds us that the holiness of the saints is attainable. Pope Francis in declaring the theme of this Jubilee Year, “Pilgrims of Hope”, was reminding us of the great hope that lies in store for us: HEAVEN, life eternal with Him.
And to this end, St. Paul reminds us to “never flag in zeal, be aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Rom 12:11-12).
