By Sister Mary Scholastica, O.C.D.
Even when there isn’t any perceptible sound around you, you can hear it. Sometimes it’s clear, sometimes it’s not. It can sound like background chatter in a dull and steady sort of way, or it can stream out in strong spurts and the cacophony of sound can overpower you. Sometimes it is very quiet. You can sense it more than you can actually hear it.
It’s the many voices. It’s all around you and it’s in you.
“I told you, you’re a failure. See, you did it again. Why even try? It’s never going to work. You did it wrong. Who do you think you are? You’re not pretty enough. You are dumb. You’re never going to be good enough. You should have been able to do that. You should be able to handle it all. No one really loves you. You think you’re so important – you’re not. It’s all about you. You’re nobody. You’ll never be one of ‘them’. You’ll always feel this way. You’re always alone. No one really cares for you. It’s never going to change.”
If we’re honest with ourselves, these “voices” often drive us through many hours, days, months, and even years of our lives. We become comfortable in this space. We settle into these beliefs and embrace them. It’s a familiar feeling. And we find ourselves feeling fragmented, discouraged and often frazzled. We think, if only we can “get ourselves together…. then everything will be alright”. Well, I’d like to know what “getting ourselves together” really looks and feels like in reality!
This is so prevalent in our culture today. Which means it is prevalent in us. It’s part of our daily battle and it is also why the spirit of Carmel so deeply resonates within and touches our deepest core. The still, small voice. The “nada nada” of St. John of the Cross so that one is in a stance with hands and heart wide open, ready to give God everything unreservedly and whole-heartedly. It’s learning to rest in His presence. To truly rest. It’s in this place of quiet that we come to recognize and hear THE VOICE, His voice. It dissipates the din of the other voices, the voices that at times feel overwhelming and insurmountable. In resting in Him, we invite Him in and allow the wind of the Holy Spirit to move through and blow away the heaviness of the air. He fills the crevices that were previously filled with the voices reverberating around our minds and hearts with His abiding presence.
It’s not to say that this is an easy process or that it happens instantaneously. It truly is our daily battle. It’s a part of our call to holiness. Carmel is this unique mix of the grounded, battle-hardened strength required to stand at the foot of the Cross like Mary, and like Mary, to live quietly the hidden years in Nazareth, holding all things in her heart. Our battles are often not found on an external field. Our battles are first and foremost fought and won in our own hearts and minds. When we want to leave and take the easy route out, that’s when we most need to commit to stay. Every day, to move one step closer to clearing the din of noise and hearing just a little more clearly, the One Voice that calls to us.
These external and internal voices are working so hard to drown out what is good, true and beautiful. What we need to realize is that every step we take, the closer we get to hearing Him and letting His voice inspire and move us, somehow in some unknown way in this world of ours, His voice becomes just a little more perceptible for someone else to hear. Everyone needs to do their part in being committed to stay on this course, to strive to live one more day faithfully.
Carmel reminds us of this great calling of ours, to enter within to be one with the One. In this truly sacred place, though the feelings accompanying these voices may “feel” the same, there is an intrinsic difference to it. He is all Truth. As we draw closer to the Truth, the reality of the lies and false beliefs tied to all these voices are held up and brought to the Light. Though one may still feel the same sense of being “fragmented and discouraged”, a shift starts to happen within us and His Light makes the truth permeate into all aspects of our being. In time, His voice becomes the one voice we start to hear more consistently. The fruits of peace, inner stillness, acceptance and gratitude follow.
Come, Lord Jesus, come. We invite you in. Let your Truth reign in our minds and hearts. Let Your voice be the voice that guides us to the end of our days.
