By Sister Juana Teresa, O.C.D.
Our Lady of Guadalupe has always been my guiding star and my protection. Shortly after I was born, I became critically ill. My mother prayed to Our Lady for a miracle and promised that if I recovered, we would visit her at the Basilica in Mexico City. This visit happened right before I entered Postulancy, and it was not only in gratitude for my life but also for my Carmelite vocation. Throughout my life, I have seen how much she has cared for me and has guided me to the Heart of her Son.
I was born in Mexico, in the Sacred Heart of Jesus Hospital near where Mother Luisita was from, although with no knowledge of her. Shortly before my fifth birthday, my family moved to San Diego County. Growing up, my only acquaintance with religious life was occasionally seeing a Franciscan sister who served in our parish. I grew up living my Catholic faith, going to Mass on Sundays, and praying the rosary with my family almost every night, which usually took a long time due to all eight of us children constantly interrupting. I grew up very close to my siblings, especially my brother, Tony, who was two years older than I.
During my elementary years, I attended a public school that was focused on the arts. I really enjoyed theater, especially working behind the scenes. Tony and I began to dream about becoming famous. In high school, we both decided we wanted to become famous film directors, so we went off to film school. I graduated college at the age of twenty with the full intention of fulfilling my dream. I quickly and successfully began a career in the film industry where I worked on several major films and production companies and had made several short films. I thought I was on the fast and wonderful track to accomplishing my “dream.” Little did I know that Our Lord had something much better, more beautiful, and more wonderful in mind for me, a dream that would be the best reality and a true fulfillment of all of my desires: God Himself!
It is during this time in my life that I can see just how much Our Lady of Guadalupe was protecting me under her mantle. The things of the world were starting to take a greater control of my heart, and yet with her help and God’s grace, my faith, although not as faithfully practiced as when I was younger, did not waver. The values my parents had instilled in me and my belief in God remained, even though everything and mostly everyone around me had no such beliefs. It was also during this time that God gave me a huge grace, though at the time it was very painful. My brother Tony, with whom I was always very close, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and given three to four months to live. In the weeks that followed, the only place I would find peace and strength was at the feet of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I began to spend my lunch hours and evenings in different parishes around West Los Angeles. These times with Our Lord led me to re-evaluate what was truly important in my life, but it was not a fast conversion like Saint Paul’s. Mine was rather slow and God was very patient! My desires and goals, however, did start to change little by little. At this point, my brother was becoming more stable and stronger and was able to begin chemotherapy, which was a miracle. It was also at this time that I met a priest who became my spiritual director. Father knew the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles and he encouraged me to meet them.
I began to visit the sisters with the purpose of growing in my prayer life and to volunteer, but with no intention of becoming a religious. I continued to work in the film industry while spending any available weekends with the sisters. Gently Jesus was drawing me to Himself in Carmel during the silent times of prayer as well as by the sisters’ joy and the witness of their love for their consecration. In my heart I began to feel a deeper desire for something more that no film career, or anything else for that matter, could fulfill. And so, the struggle in my heart began. I still wanted the things and successes of the world, and at the same time, there was an emptiness I would feel when I would go to work or attend movie events. Instead, I would feel a strong desire to be with Jesus and would find opportunities to be with Him in the Blessed Sacrament. I was also constantly praying to Our Lady and the saints. I spoke to my spiritual director about this, and he suggested that I pray about the possibility of religious life — but I did not pursue it right away. I had a good job that I didn’t want to leave, and it seemed like I was already living my faith more fully and praying more regularly, so I thought that was enough. But Our Lord kept pursuing. I started to pray a Hail Mary every day to Our Lady of Guadalupe, asking her to help me do God’s will, and to live the vocation God had called me to. Then one day at Mass, I heard Jesus speaking very clearly to me during the Gospel. He said, “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?” He was asking me to follow Him.
I applied for Candidacy with the intention of giving Our Lord only a year for by then it would be clear that I did not have a vocation and I could go back to the world, be a good practicing Catholic, continue working in the film industry, get married and have children. But He was calling me to something completely different from any plan I had had for my life. Jesus was drawing me deeper into His love and my desire to belong to Him alone only increased. I visited Our Lady of Guadalupe at the Basilica and entrusted my vocation fully into her hands. I entered Carmel on the anniversary of my Baptism which is a beautiful connection because religious consecration is a deepening of our Baptismal graces.
God is so faithful, and His love is far better than anything this world could ever offer. I praise God with my whole being for the infinite mercy and love He has shown me throughout my life, and for the amazing gift of calling me to be His spouse, to be consecrated to Him as a Carmelite Sister of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, following the beautiful example of Mother Luisita and sharing in the gift of her charism, as a daughter of Mary. “Forever I will sing the mercies of the Lord” (Psalm 89).
